10 August 2020

Since moving mom to the retirement home, we’ve had two Web meetings with the place. The first took place one day after she moved in, and they said “Oh yes, she’s fitting right in, eating well, and making lots of new friends!” They included a few pictures of her, but suspiciously, her face wasn’t visible in any of them.  In other words, we suspected we were hearing BS.

The second meeting was two days later and included her doctor, us, mom. and a representative from the home. At one point in the conversation, the doctor asked the home “how was her first night?” There was a pause just long enough that us kids glanced at each other, then the representative said “Yeah the first night was pretty rough.” Okay then…

I’m posting this so that when the time comes in your family, you can expect similar interactions with these places, businesses that are nearly or completely opaque. You only have their word about what’s going on inside, and especially in these cases, we can’t really believe anything mom says (it’s to that point now), so if she says they’re mistreating her, are they? How can we know? Due to privacy laws, such places don’t allow external video feeds, so we’re left in the dark. I joked that when we call, we should expect to hear, “Your relative is doing great… what’s their name?”